On location

The mitre square project that I mentioned a few blog posts back is pushing ahead! They’re through their first round of tech editing, and the patterns and tutorials are looking pretty polished.

We’re staying at a little AirBnB in the mountains of Liguria, visiting friends who’ve regularly modelled for us. They’ve recently moved to the area and weren’t able to come to us, so we’ve come to them.

Which means yes, it’s photoshoot time! I’m just about to steam block these Hats to remove all the creases from storage, and pick out all the cat hairs, then we’ll be heading over to our friends’ new house; they’re renovating and a partially derelict house could prove to be the perfect backdrop for these. If not, we’ll find somewhere in their little town and if that fails, we’ve always the mountains.

Summer is a tricky time to do a photoshoot in Italy - the scorching heat isn’t exactly ideal for wearing woolly Hats, and the harsh sunlight can wreak havoc on my lighting preferences. And folks are usually away, travelling for work or enjoying a holiday, or escaping the heat. As much as it was 5 hours on the road to get here and we’ve the extra expense of paying for somewhere to stay, I’m mighty relieved to be here and really looking forward to getting these photographed. As an added bonus, it’s much cooler up here in the mountains and it’s even cloudy this morning. Fingers crossed it stays like this for the rest of the day!

The great re-photographing project continues

I never really intended this to be what it’s become. It started in part because one of our regular models is leaving Italy for good so we wanted to try and get as much done as we could before she left, and in part because, having reformatted all of my pattern photos over the last couple of years, some serious gaps have been highlighted.

And honestly, I’ve struggled to do much creative at all over the last year, year and a half, so photography has been one way to keep me ticking over and keep me feeling productive.

Vlora is named for my midwife. I was under a Sure Start scheme for pregnant folk with mental health issues and I was assigned that rare thing under NHS England, my own midwife. Vlora was brilliant. She was supportive and down to earth and I never once felt judged or uncomfortable.

Aran was born in March 2008; I started designing this Hat in late 2007, before I’d published my first book Going Straight, which contained 24 sideways knit Hat designs. I explored a few ways to create those lines that travel round the Hat before settling on travelling stitches.

Like Dulcie, which appeared in my first book, I wanted something brimmed, and the original version of the pattern also included a beret version. Over time the beret version was dropped - no-one knit it and when my patterns first went into print, space was tight - but during the great reformatting the beret version has made it’s way back, and I’m looking forward to relaunching it later in the year.

This sample was knit a few years ago now, I was keen to work it up in a new yarn. As much as I love a workhorse staple, I also love a hand-dyed and the swirl pattern at the crown seems much more evident in these photos than it ever did. The yarn is Little Fox ‘Mere’ worsted which I bought at Rhinebeck thinking it was DK… thankfully I’ve still a few worsted patterns and I’ve gradually been making my way through those skeins, but it is discontinued now.

Although our time working with Aida on this is coming to an end, I’ve really enjoyed rummaging through my Hat boxes and trying out different styles on her. I have an absolute mountain of photo editing to do, although thankfully that task is so much easier since we bought the Fuji XT-3, but still - I’ve a lot to work through.

There’s going to be so many new photos, new angles, new samples and more when the new website goes live. I always used to try and get as many new photos on different models whenever I could and I feel encouraged to continue doing so after such a long lull.

Thoughts on wigs, identity and representation

One of the aims with my photography is to capture as many different folks as possible. Bringing their style and personality to the camera is as important as the Hats we photograph. Styling wise I don’t expect much beyond them wearing black and maybe a bit of make-up to even out the camera effect, because I want them to be themselves. US or European model standards have never interested me because they’re generally white, skinny, young, blonde and able-bodied - I don’t see myself in that and I don’t aspire to it, either. I learnt a very long time ago that if I wanted folks to knit my Hats they need to see themselves in my photos because how else would they know if it would suit them? That said, I know I’ve a long way to go before my photos are as diverse as the knitting community.

While I’m limited to who’s around me and willing to be photographed, I do want to continue trying to bring in different models because representation is so important. I don’t have much of a budget and can’t manage anything beyond basic logistics but that doesn’t mean we don’t have options. One aspect that I find particularly challenging, with life in general not just my work or photography, is contacting or talking with new people and building new relationships, because hello ADHD and Autism. So finding folks we get on with and can work with regularly on an informal basis is essential.

In this photo we can see the crown of the ‘Out of the Darkness’ beanie pattern.

In this photo we can see the crown of the ‘Out of the Darkness’ tam pattern.

A number of years ago I started putting feelers out for older models, particularly women with long grey hair. I was put in touch with a couple of folks but sadly they weren’t local and the logistics proved too much of a hurdle. The last time I checked on Model Mayhem I found just one woman with long grey hair in the whole of Italy, and she was out of my budget and no doubt particularly busy given the number of magazine covers she’d appeared on. Good for her, but another dead end for us.

I started to realise even then that if I wanted better age representation that I’d probably need to be the model but it took several years to mentally prepare myself for that, and almost as long to buy a wig. I’ve been going grey since my early twenties and at 51 my natural colour is white, but my hair is proper short and I’ve no intention of growing it. I’ve now had my first grey wig for 6 months and we finally decided recently to put it to the test.

Here we see me, with long silver grey hair, looking down to the left of the frame. I’m wearing the ‘Out of the Darkness’ tam.

Here we see me, with long silver grey hair, looking down to the right of the frame. I’m wearing the ‘Out of the Darkness’ beanie.

Here we see me, with long silver grey hair, looking into the camera, smiling. I’m wearing the ‘Out of the Darkness’ tam.

I’ll say straight away that I don’t think these are bad photos at all, I quite like them, which is massive progress given how uncomfortable being this side of the camera makes me! And I’m finding how I look, or maybe how the colour and hair shapes my face, both interesting and weird. I’m a bit of a chameleon and have always suited different hair colours and shapes, and in turn different Hats and Hat styles, and I guess that’s one reason life has lead me the way it has - my head, whether it be the colour of my hair or the Hat I wear, has always been my playground.

The lines on my face - I’d call them wrinkles but they’re evidence of an expressive face and a life lived and we really need a better word for them - are much more apparent than they usually are. I’ve lost a lot of weight in recent months and poses that work well in photographs aren’t necessarily positions we’d naturally hold for long, so my face seems more twisted which would also emphasis them. This isn’t a bad thing - if anything it’s good because I need to look my age to pull this off! It’s just that I’ve a curious analytical mind and it helps me to know why, incase I should need to know again.

Yet despite overwhelmingly positive feedback from my Patreon supporters and then on Twitter, I’ve doubts about the wig and I’m trying to have words with myself about that.

Thing is, I know it’s a wig. I’m the person who insists on natural light photography; I won’t even use a reflector if at all possible because I want everything to be as it is in that moment, nothing artificial, nothing staged. I mean sure, a reflector bounces natural light but it bounces it in a direction that it’s not currently falling in. Just as I want my models to be themselves I want the environment to be, too. A number of years ago I had a couple of backdrops printed, with the intention that I’d always have a wall I liked to take photos against. One we used for the Lateralis collection and I’m in the process of replacing all of those photos because I can’t stand them, and the other we took some test shots of and they never made the light of day. Rather than create the right environment for my Hats and our models, I prefer to find the right environment and not interfere with it.

So you can maybe imagine why I’m having trouble adjusting to a wig. It’s not real and while that probably doesn’t matter to most people, it gives me pause. I’m currently considering a natural hair wig but I’m unsure of the best places to buy a good one and whether it’d be worth the investment as they are not cheap. The wig in the photos is Penny from Lush Wigs and it cost less than €30; natural grey wigs start at around €1000 up.

The other thing that’s bothering me has taken some time to find the words for.

As I said, my head is my playground. I can pull off different looks and often folks won’t recognise me. This has it’s upsides and downsides, and that can be a problem when my mental health isn’t all that great. I end up using my appearance, and wigs in particular, as a disguise. I project a face or appearance that isn’t mine, or is perhaps only one aspect of me, as a way to protect myself. To deflect. This appearance comes with a personality, I can be someone else for a while. It’s something to hide behind. I think it’s also related to ADHD or Autistic masking, only in more tangible form.

Relying on this might not be healthy long term, as I doubt I’ll be able to separate what the wigs means, or what it hides, from the work it’s doing. Especially given the positive response, it’s as if folks are loving the false version of me, my mask, and not me for myself. Praise for how we’ve used the wig to show off the Hats or tried to represent older women in the photos is far more comfortable than praise for how I personally look in them. Even though I know it’s all said with the best intentions, it’s overwhelming and I need to put some of this into words because I’m struggling under the weight of it, and if I don’t try and deal with the overwhelm I’ll abandon the photos of me completely.

I’m not quite sure what this means at the moment. It’s possible all of this will get easier as I get to know my Autistic self better and my mental health improves with EMDR treatment. It’s possible that more photos of me like this will remove the novelty factor, especially if I can reason with myself over the need for the wig in the first place. Perhaps it might be more manageable if someone else wears the wig, or if I succeed in finding a natural silver grey wig for me to wear that feels less glam, less staged.

This post didn’t turn out how I intended when I sat down to write but it’s helped me form a few thoughts around the identity we choose and how that matches with what we feel, and who we represent. We’re certainly not giving up on photographing me in this wig or in trying to extend our range of models; using me has many advantages not least in costs and logistics. But I need to weigh things up and work out where the balance is.

A new look for Pavone and Arkanoid

One of my favourite photography spots, the derelict gravel quarry that’s 10 minutes bike ride up the lane from us, has recently had all of it’s rusty machinery and metal plant removed. It’s always been a favourite spot for graffiti artists and now access to decaying tunnels and buildings has increased, there’s even more spots for fantastic murals.

And that means even more places to get great photos.

Last weekend we went with Aida to try a few new spots out. It was mighty windy and chilly and it’s almost a year since we did a proper shoot between us, and it showed - the first day’s photos weren’t up to much. But we went back the next morning and got some fantastic shots!

We’ve a lot of editing to do, but I see us popping down there on a regular basis over the next couple of months. So many nooks that we couldn’t reach before, and so many more places have opened up that’ll protect us from the elements, especially the harsh Italian sun.

Pavone is perennially on my ‘need to rephotograph’ list. It’s not that previous photos have been bad, but I’ve always struggled with the light and they’ve ended up with a purplish or blueish cast that’s difficult to edit out, even from the raw files.

Since we brought a mirrorless Fuji X-T3 all of those issues have gone. I know look at the Nikon and wonder how we struggled on as long as we did, but that’s easy to say in hindsight. The Fuji X-T3 isn’t cheap, but it’s very much cheaper than other mirrorless cameras and we get fantastic shots with it, every time. It’s what we shoot my workshops with as well.

There’s so little editing and post-processing needed with this camera and it’s really made the whole job of getting and producing new photos so much less of a chore. It means we can actively get more good photos on a range of models in different environments, confident that I’m not gonna be screwing up my shoulders in editing, or spending money on shoots with little to show for our efforts.

Arkanoid was the next Hat to get a fresh look! Both the mural in Pavone and these shots are pretty fresh and the colours really shout at you and I love it. This Hat wants to be somewhere that can match it’s own brightness and intensity.

The light was different by this wall but it was also morning - and that’s never been a time we can usually shoot at the local quarry given the position of the light. We can now - we’ve got different nooks for different times of the day or different times of the year and the murals will keep changing on a regular basis. And it’s only 5 minutes in the car or 10 minutes on out push-bikes - it couldn’t be more perfect for us.

I’ve many more Hats to edit and share from just these 2 days! It’s so good to be enjoying photo editing again but I am taking my time.

After the response to the photos of Tom for Introspection, I’ve persuaded him to model more for me. He’s OK with it as long as he doesn’t have to look at the photos. It’s trickier when it’s just the 2 of us, as it means I need to be stylist, photographer and assistant all in one, but we’ll manage I’m sure.

When the new versions of these patterns go live they’ll be updated with the new shots, likewise they’ll all be going on the new website too.

The first Lateralis Hat, Duality

We’re on for the pre-release of Lateralis to be available from thursday and everything feels back on track! So many things feel more under control somehow this week, so I’m making the most of it.

The pre-release will work like this:

The cover and an accompanying PDF (explaining the schedule etc) will be available immediately, as will the first single pattern. Then the single patterns will be published once a week until the final collection as the eBook will be available. Everyone who buys the pre-release will receive an update notification via email each time a new single pattern is published, and you can use the link in the email to download the latest instalment. It’s been a while since I put an eBook on pre-release but I think most folk are familiar now with how the system works.

Working this way allows me to start earning, which in turn means I can pay the team promptly. It means you can get your hands on the patterns as soon as they’re ready and start knitting them! And it gives me and the team vital extra time to add the polishing details to the eBook. Should be a win, win, yes?

And so the first hat to be published will be Duality. It’s a very striking Hat with a very simple detail that’s highlighted by the construction.

The stripes are created by short rows, allowing the fabric to remain balanced. As I say, the stripes themselves, beyond being short rows, are simple in and of themselves - it’s the construction and placement of the stripes that makes this Hat so striking.

Because there are a lot less short rows to this Hat, and because the colourwork is easier to manage, Duality is a great introduction to the construction and an ideal first Hat to try. It also gives you a sense about how the yarns and colours work, which should help you make the right yarn choices going forward for the other Hats. Most of the Lateralis Hats have a preference to whether a variegated or semi-solid works as the main yarn, but with this one it doesn’t matter - you can swap them around and see what happens!

The theme behind Lateralis is symmetry, reflection; factors or concepts of two. Unlike other sideways Hats, these consist of two sections, two halves, that are head-shaped and meet at the crown. This in turn means that the Hats can be worn in two distinct ways, and we’ve aimed to show that photographically.

Not all of the Hats are worked as two halves - some are worked entirely as one piece, with the two sections becoming noticeably after turning through the crown, and some are worked as not quite halves to allow for special short row trickery at the crown, yet still result in a Hat of two equal pieces. I suspect the way the construction works may not be apparent until they’re knitted, and I promise they’ll surprise you in the best of ways.

I’ve put time aside today to (slowly) build the individual pattern web pages today, so you get an idea of yardage and yarn weight requirements. They all use DK weight yarn, and these have been kindly sponsored by RiverKnits so do go and check out her yarns! She’ll be at Yarndale this coming weekend where you can grab your yarns in person; failing that she’ll have her full stock up after the weekend. (one day I’ll make it to Yarndale…. maybe next year?)

Talking of yarn, do bear in mind that these are graded by gauge - there’s virtually no room to adjust the pattern for different sizes. A couple of sizes are included in the pattern, but also in the pattern will be notes on exactly how many stitches and rows make up the Hat, so you can adjust the gauge for other sizes. This something we can definitely talk about more in my Ravelry group - we’ll set up a thread for each Hat.

That’s me done here for today! Tomorrow I’ll introduce the 2nd Hat, Undulous.