Thanks folks, for listening and bearing with me and all your lovely messages :)
I'm still in two minds about whether I should have posted at all, as the very last thing I wanted to do was cause any worry or create any fuss, but I'm a believer in just saying it as it is (or at least, this is something I'm trying to practice) and that is how it is - I'm worried and worn out and really would like the universe to get a grip!
Having had a few days at home with my boys, settling down, I'm finding that life is starting to feel a bit like normal again. Yesterday was the first day in over a month where I actually managed a decent day's work, and I've started to chip away at the pile of pattern writing & editing that has been waiting rather impatiently. My head has been so full for so long, it's not surprising that work has fallen way, way behind and that I've been struggling to cope with, well, just stuff.
A great night was had at Iknit Knit Night and I'm jolly glad I made the effort. At the same time it made me a feel a little sad, as I do miss knit groups and my knitterly friends! But I've promised to go back again, soon. Sitting and chatting and drinking with folks is just the tonic.
I blow-dried myself a decent quiff (me & hairdryers don't know each other very well), slapped on a bit of make up and went out determined to enjoy myself. And it did the trick (and my quiff was still in place not only at the end of the night after a couple of ciders, but also the next morning...)
I met with lovely Liz before hand, to have a natter and catch up, and she was a great support, allowing me to get it all off my chest and have a good ol' ramble. On top of that, she gifted me some yummy SparkleDuck yarn on the premise that I make something for me. I'm not very good at that, but I'll try... (all yarn that enters this bus has a tendency to become a Hat... it's as if I've forgotten how to *not* knit a Hat) Another friend has gifted me a copy of Zulu's Petals - maybe this is the right yarn for it?
The camera doesn't really do it justice... it's a soft blend of greys and ever so subtle pinks. Liz was spot on with the choice of colour, I love it.
Right now, I'm feeling very grateful of friends, and for the kindness of everyone who passes by here. Thank you for your support, you're amazing :) It's taken a while to get my head straight and it's not quite there yet, but it's heading in the right direction.
Now that I've overcome some pattern writing and creative hurdles, a little ray of creativity is kicking through; I'm keen to make the most of it! We've a photo shoot booked for this coming weekend, too, and right now, it all feels manageable, and it's very refreshing.