Our internet connection has been down most of the week, and it's been kinda strange. Probably the longest week ever, being at home by myself with the little fella without my usual distractions. Not that Aran is bad company, quite the contrary, yet he is very demanding, and I'm poorly and tired.
According to my self-assessment check list, post natal depression is alive and well. Not that this is any great surprise, but it would have been cool to sit here and say "I feel so damn healthy and happy!" for once. My C-section wound isn't healing quickly and the anaemia won't leave me alone. Sigh. The signs are all there, I know the signals well enough now. I realised a couple of weeks ago, when one song that I only ever remember when I'm on that downwards slope started going round in my head constantly.
"Hello darkness, my old friend...."
As you'd expect, the wonderful Mr Tom is coming to our rescue. From this monday he's reducing his hours at work to help out at home more. It didn't take much arm bending, being as he'd sooner play with Aran than shuffle around at work. It can't happen soon enough, as I'm not coping well by myself. The little man loves it when we're both around and is much more settled, so it'll be a double bonus.
It's not all bad, though. There are lots of precious moments, including our first saturday morning family lay in.
It's all gonna be alright. Just knowing and saying out loud that I'm on the edge of another blackhole takes the sting out of it, makes it all that much easier to deal with. I have Tom to help and support me, and Aran to remind me of all the good things. I have my new family.