I didn't know until today that my grandad has been on life support for the last 2 weeks, and today my mum phoned me to tell me that it is being switched off tomorrow.
Normally when someone blogs about a death we all come out to grieve together, but please don't do that this time. This is the man who sexually abused me as a child, who fucked up my life and caused his family hell with his tyrany. I'm not the only person he made suffer. He's been locked up for the last couple of years in an institution for alzheimers with anger; he is not a nice man.
I did check with my mum about whether she was ok with me blogging about this, and she said it depends on what I say. Despite the lack of positive feelings towards him, he's still her dad. I want to be mindful of her feelings because she does read this blog, but I also need to find the words for my feelings too.
She knows what he did to me. So does my dad and my brother and most of my close friends; I finally opened up to my family after my first breakdown, some 8 years ago, and found them to be amazingly supportive. Anyone who read between the lines when I first started blogging will also know too. And now you all know.
I always said that I wouldn't open up and tell all until he died.
I have been waiting for this day all of my life.
And now I don't know what to feel.
Mum - I hope I haven't offended you. And I hope between us we can grieve and move on with our lives. We are strong, we are still here living our lives the best we know how, trying to do the best by ourselves and other people. Nobody can ask more than that, and given the shadows we have, we are amazing human beings.