Think the technical term is deflection. Or perhaps distraction. How about procrastination?
I'm in the middle of a major stash tidy up, and clearing out unwanted stuff & junk. Getting ready for a major sell on EBay and several car loads going to charity shops. Am also slightly worried about the state of my head..... the black dog could take it's chance and creep in without me knowing right now. It's not the down-sizing or moving home that bothers me, on the contrary, I've wanted this for years. It's the unsettling stage of limbo. And seeing all this stuff clogging up the living room floor, making me feel rather weighed down by it all. Unwanted and unnecessary possessions are quickly becoming balls and chains.
My stash has been miraculously shrunk due to the genius invention of compression bags, non-vacuum variety. So much so, that it will all fit with a little room to spare (and when you consider the size of my stash, you'll appreciate how this pleases me!). Books are sorted, as shelving is sufficient, even if it won't be put in until the weekend. And it can't be put in until we've cleared the whole shelving unit in this living room, that runs the length of a wall, as we're using most of this unit in the bus.
Once this gets dismantled, there's no turning back.
This flat will no longer be a home, but a cluttered mass storage space whilst we move into Barp. And that's the limbo I can't stand. Particularly as Barp won't be live able for a few more weeks yet.
And of course all of this is affecting my creativity, so the book feels like it's suffering too.
The last time I went through such a difficult transition I was in my final year of my Textiles degree at Goldsmiths. I was moving into a flat with a friend, leaving behind a flat that held some particularly bad memories. We got let down by landlord after landlord, and all of my belongings were sitting around, packed up in boxes, for about a month, with the ever increasing threat of being homeless. The pressure of this, and of being in my final year eventually got to me, and I smashed up my studio at college and went AWOL for a week or so.
I don't want anything like this happening again. So Mr Tom has been forewarned, and I've upped the dose of my meds slightly to help smooth things out. All I need to do is focus on either Glastonbury or Woolfest, as hopefully by then the worst will be over. Just gotta think ahead, to life on the road in Barp, with only the things I need and that really matter with me.
I could try and turn the clearing out into a game in some way, where each item that gets cleared out earns me points, and I can give a cheerful good riddance as it goes. Perhaps if I tell each unwanted piece how much I never loved it, how much it never really belonged I might just cope. Some things I might apologise to; tell it I was sorry for having it and not allowing it a better home where it would be appreciated, and wish it luck on it's journey.
Not that I have many emotional ties to all this junk, but it might help get rid of all the excess emotions floating around right now.... attach them to something meaningless and chuck it all out.
If all else fails, I could turn to hard liquor/skunk/rescue remedy, depending on what I can get my hands on.
Here are the rules: Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.
- Exactly a year after passing my driving test, I flipped my then boyfriends' Mini upside down in a field. Let me be clear - I didn't roll it, I flipped it. Which in a Mini is damn hard to do. We both escaped with a few bruises and the car gained a huge dent in it's roof.
- I'm a fully qualified Electronics engineer.
- I have enough underwear to last 6 weeks without washing.
- I used to represent my school in public speaking competitions. Also, when I was doing my teaching degree I was the only one who didn't need voice coaching. Foghorn, me?
- I wouldn't be surprised if I have a tiny clan of spiders living in my dreadlocks, as I often find the little buggers on me.
- I have hairy armpits, and think every woman should be proud of their body hair. In my opinion, to be feminine isn't about behaving girly, wearing make up & skirts... or painting your nails. It's about being natural. Mind, I do shave my legs in the summer.
- I can't resist jumping in puddles or busting bubble wrap.
Suppose I'd better get on and clear some space on the floor.