I'm sure I should be more enthusiastic, but I'm not in good form. Had a realllly crap day yesterday at work, and tried to work through it in therapy. I've actually got butterflies in my belly as I type this. Thing is, there's a bully at work. X is rude and tries to control a lot of people, but I feel it more. X has made life at work hell for me for the last 4 years. I'm actually shaking now because this morning I need to talk to X about an issue X has been unfair about, and I know X won't listen and will turn things back round onto me again. I've tried following procedures for this sort of stuff but feel really let down by the system as little seems to have been done, except that I'm having less to do with X than I have done previously. But that doesn't solve the issue, does it, when I still have to work with X sometimes?
This is the first time I've mentioned it on my blog as paranoia creeps in (and it's here big time) that this will get read and used against me. But I am being encouraged, no, *told* to take further action with the NUT (National Union of Teachers). Workplace bullying is a big thing, and scary for someone like me to bring up as an issue, especially when some of it is as subtle as it has been. As with a lot of bullying that goes unresolved, the stronger ones learn to live with it and give up the fight. But I can't, it affects me too much. And I'm not going back into that black-hole again. Just the fact that I discovered X has to observe one of my lessons bought on a panic attack. Yet if others are giving up the ghost and just accepting the situation, is my angst and want to stop it just within my head? Am I dragging out a pointless battle? Should I just give in too? I was bullied constantly at school because I was 'different' and that's left it's scars. So I must be strong, have faith in myself and control my fear enough to be able to talk about it to the people that can help me, and hope something gets done soon.
I'm scared and feeling very low.