Boy, is today gonna be a lazy day. My mind and body just want to chill out and do nothing - way too tired to even think about chores. Which is fine by me. This is what half-term is all about.

Tom's put me under a sort of curfew - not to get out of bed before 10am. Bless my boyfriend. I'm sticking to it quite well, although yesterday was a productive day; woke at 9.30am full of motivation and energy - a welcome change from monday's mood. So yesterday I cracked on and listed some more vinyl. Instead of seeing it as a whole, which is seriously daunting, I'm trying to be more positive and visualise it as small chunks. But I still only got as far as 'F' in the 12" and LP's. Can you see the small gap in the first section? That's as far as I got. Haven't even thought about the 7"s yet. At least I've sold a few already so that's less for me to cope with.

Now, I want to thank folk properly who've helped me with the tagging business, so cheers Beverley and CX! Now that I've got this sorted out, proper credit can be given to Ann and Yvonne for their help with the curly wirly scarf. And just to show off with this linking malarkey, I'll say thanks for your positive thoughts Anna and I'll email you v.soon! I like my friends :)

Hazel tagged me for the 'meme' which seems to be sweeping through blogland. I need to think about who'll I'll tag... meantime, here goes:

Ten years ago.
Aged 24. I was living in Southend and a couple of months into my foundation course in Art & Design. I knew I wanted to study Textiles, as I'd just left a Bsc in Textiles in Bolton after the first year 'cos it was downright boring and I wanted something more creative. That year in Bolton was also one of my infamous 'sex, drugs & rock'n'roll' years which happen from time to time, and I needed to re-focus a touch ;) I think I was also getting ready to apply for Uni (again. I was, and still am, a perpetual student. Hence the teaching career). Goldsmiths was top of my list, but at that time didn't really know much about the college's reputation, so all my tutors were warning me that they'd never got anyone in there. I liked the ethos of the course, being as they didn't insist you specialise in any one area of Textiles, was far more arty and there was more freedom as they didn't set projects. Totally up my street. I applied and got an unconditional offer (30 places available with a rumoured 600 applicants) I rocked ;) I was pretty happy and doing alright, despite the fact that the boyfriend at the time was an alcoholic, and that would eventually lead to some rather horrible and upsetting events.

Five years ago
Aged 29. My first year of full-time teaching, after doing my PGCE straight after my degree. Just moved into a council flat in Plumstead (still here)(the longest I've ever lived anywhere!) after a couple of years in Brockley then Lewisham. I was living with alcoholic boyfriend no.2, who also had a kid, so home life was a struggle (yeah, I know, I used to pick 'em) Job wise, I was enjoying it but getting very tired. Little did I know that my first breakdown was only 6 months away. The boyfriend had already been threatened with being kicked out a couple of times, so that was on it's last legs. When he finally went not long after my 30th, I set about changing life and relationship patterns (let's face it, they'd not been good up until now) Hence the breakdown and putting myself into therapy. It does get better, honest! Why do the time scales on the meme focus on the bad times??

One year ago
Oh dear. Breakdown no.2 was in full swing. It had actually happened at the end of september, but being as it was the start of the school year, I had too much work to do to take time off. BIG MISTAKE. I wasn't in a fit state to be at work, let alone teach. I ended up getting manically depressive with serious mood swings and behaviour that even for me, was bizzare. Seriously paranoid and suicidal. Hallucinations were ripe and I didn't know what the hell was going on. I'd lost the plot. Just after half-term, I took myself into A&E to see the duty psychiatrist. Didn't know what else to do. That was the best thing I could have done. They considered sectioning me and committing me to the wards, but after several hours of discussion, it was decided that the best thing for me (and my personality type, apparently) was to put me under a form of 'house arrest' (not that they called it that, mind) whereby I had a social worker and psychiatric nurse visit me everyday to give me my tablets (I was not allowed to have more than one given to me, as I'd had one failed attempt at an overdose during my last breakdown) I spent at least 4-6 weeks indoors, too scared to go outside or talk to anyone, until the unit started persuading me to go and visit them daily. Things did get better - new AD's that actually worked and a wealth of therapies available to me. It was a very dark time, and I don't remember much of it.

My mum won't be too happy that I've written all this, but it's what happened, and it's better out than in. I don't want any secrets anymore. Strangely, a couple of postive things did happen during this time. I'd always knitted, but I was now in a position to do it all the time, and it was a great therapy. Secondly, about December time, I met Tom, and we spent hours everyday talking online. There was no way I wanted to start a relationship yet knew that I wanted to get to know this person. In some ways, the fact that he got to know me when I was in that state of mind has strengthened our relationship. He loves and understands me as I am. I can't ask more than that.

Five yummy things
Wool, avacados on toast, bacon sarnies (with added avacado and mushrooms. Especially yummy when eaten in bed on a sunday morning), a nice cold bottle of Leffe blonde beer, setting of on an adventure somewhere (incase you hadn't realised, I *love* travelling), woolly hats.

Five songs I know by heart
'Losing my Religion' by REM, 'Nothing Compares 2 You' by Sinead O'Connor, 'Green and Grey' by New Model Army, 'Waltzing Along' by James, 'Train in Vain' by The Clash. These are also the only songs ever likely to make me cry.

Five things I would do with a lot of money
Clear my debts, help my family financially, give loads to all the animal charities, give up work (obviously) buy a great big bus and stash the rest in the bank so we can travel knowing we won't always be skint.

Five places I would to escape to
Ko Tao - Thailand, my bed, Europe (anywhere but probably Spain) in our (much lusted after) bus, home (if I'm somewhere else), somewhere else (if I'm at home).

Five things I would never wear
Burberry check, false nails, nail varnish, anything beige, loafers, gold jewellery, baseball caps, white shoes, anything acrylic. Ok, so that's more than 5 but I am a fussy dresser, believe it or not.

Five favourite TV shows
I'm not one much for switching the telly on for anything specific, but I may watch the following:- Buffy The Vampire Slayer (I make no apology for this), Waking The Dead....erm... there must be more! (will edit later as I think of them)

Five things I enjoy doing
Knitting, sleeping, learning and practicing a new yarny craft (not many left!), curling up on the sofa with Tom and the cats to watch a movie, snorkelling, seeing the pleasure on someone's face when they recieve something I've made specially for them.

Favourite toys
Eh? OK, shall we re-name this section 'favourite tools'? My wooden knitting needles (especially the huge ones), my lace bobbin collection, my digital camera with it's underwater case, waterproof to 40m below, y'know..., my Textile book collection, woolly sheep (I got another one in the post today from Scottish Fibres, an accessory for the car - he's on the left)

Five people who get this 'meme'
Anna, Sharon, Sue, Helen, Irma. I don't know all these people very well, but they've been kind enough to leave me comments, so I'm paying them back ;) Suppose I'd better tell them they've been tagged... I know you read me, so you've been tagged! That should do it.

As for this afternoon? There's the smell of wet and drying wool in the flat, as I skeined up and washed all that freebie wool I got last week. I'm not dressed yet and don't intend to be. I'm not going to do the washing up; infact, I may have a dose. Think I may break my self-imposed 'no coffee after 4pm' rule. I also might sit and finish another xmas pressie I started monday in lush black 100% cashmere 4ply (that lucky person...)

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AuthorWoolly Wormhead
CategoriesHead Zone